Found this really helpful. I know it will help you.
My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was calledhe told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent No More. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harmemotionally, physically, doesnt matter Though I may not struggle with an abusive alcoholic, I still struggle with the internal doubts and feelings of self worthlessness.
Beattie's book instead seems dated to me, bound up as it is with the classic origins of the term "co-dependence" in the partners of alcoholics. For any men reading this review (I can't imagine there will be too many), I will give my strongest recommendation to Dr Robert Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy, which is essentially a co-dependence book aimed at men.
This book opened my eyes to the path toward self-discovery, self-love, and learning how to deal with difficult relationships. I very highly recommend this book, not just for people who live with an alcoholic, but for anyone who is trying desperately hard to fix a bad relationship, whether it's with your spouse, your parents, your children...with anyone you love.
Although I wasn't directly affected by addictive issues in the family, growing up a triplet created some of the exact same self-sacrificing behavioral patterns that are talked about in this book.
Fix all my issues, sort of like the knight and shining self-help book I've always been waiting for. I learned how to stop controlling self-help books and start caring for myself.
The husband, dependent on the alcohol, is hampered in his ability to overcome alcoholism because of his codependent wife. It means that her warped way of coping with that stress actually enables her husband's problem. The term is now used in a more broad sense: you can use the term (or concept or ideas or paradigm, if you don't feel the need to use the latest pop culture terminology) to describe one who feels compelled to help others to the point of hurting themself and the intended compassionate recipient. The best line is these two books is that codependents do "all the wrong things for all the right reasons." One of the most interesting, and least explored, concepts covered in the chronology or pattern of behavior. Here's my take: First, the codependent is essentially a victim of somebody else's addictive or destructive behavior. Lastly, when the problem gets worse and worse, the codependent becomes angry, bitter and dejected as a result of their failed attempts to gain some level of control over a situation that was already impossibly difficult to deal with. However, I think a better book could be written. (Somewhat like this blog?) Just as I found myself intrigued by a concept, the author would go into some lengthy story that only partially made sense to me, as somebody who has never dealt with an alcoholic or chemically dependent person. I found myself wishing for a book that was written for a wider audience and in more broad terms, with less focus on the alcoholism angle. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment An extreme need for approval and recognition A sense of guilt when asserting themselves A compelling need to control others Lack of trust in self and/or others Fear of being abandoned or alone Difficulty identifying feelings Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change Problems with intimacy/boundaries
A very helpful and important book about co-dependency.
This is a good book for those in crisis mode. When you're beaten down and feeling trapped and you don't know what the hell is wrong with you, you need this book, which tells you over and over and over and over again: You're okay, you're a good person. They don't know yet that they need help, but they do.
The fact that she mentions other groups doesn't matter much if 90% of the book is spent referring to codependents as people who have encountered some form of addiction.
Over the years, Melody Beattie has become well-known in the world of self-help literature.